An American Contractor in Konoha
by Outlaw One
Summary: A private military contractor dies in the war on terror and gets a new contract working for Heaven's Army.  His first assignment: infiltrate Konohagakure and keep the Kyuubi from destroying the world.  Naru/Hina when they grow up.
1. Chapter 1

**An American Contractor in Konoha**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any associated intellectual properties. If I did I would probably be able to draw something other than stick figures.

Warning: I don't pull any punches with my language or how the world really works. I have been places most Americans have never heard of and some of the things I have seen people do to each other, socially and psychologically as well as physical violence, would make your skin crawl. It is a really ugly world and some of that is going to reflect in my writing, especially a story like this. Oh yeah it is also a self insert, maybe you should just stop reading now…

Author's forward: It has been a while since I have written anything for the FFML and I have had quite a few changes in my life since then. I graduated from college and embarked on a wildly unsuccessful career working for the government. I then discovered my skills and experience were worth a lot more money overseas. I am not some Blackwater super commando nor have I ever shot up a traffic circle in Baghdad, however I am a bit more "handy with the steel" than your average mall ninja and after having driven in the Middle East I can certainly understand the temptation. My inspiration for this comes from the works of Contrabardus AKA Carrotglace and TFK-fan118. You can find them both on and you will probably enjoy their stories a lot more then mine. I'll be using my email handle to refer to my avatar mainly for PERSEC (personal security) reasons. Not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust anyone.

Some things you do for love of country. Some things you do for love of money. When you are really lucky you get to do something for love of both.

**Time: 0430 hours Date: June 30 2012 Location: Main Supply Route Orlando, Asscrackistan. **

We crossed the border into Asscrackistan just after dawn. Passing through a checkpoint manned by sleepy National Guardsmen from Ohio into the latest country occupied by America in her continuing global war on terror. After the 2008 elections we thought the war was coming to an end, but increasing violence all over the middle east threatening the entire world's supply of oil, a series of brutal attacks in Europe and Asia and the first use of suicide bombers inside the continental United States has the US war machine back in high gear. Of course where the US military goes, so go the contractors. With so many fronts to this war America would have to reintroduce the draft on a World War Two scale to be able to meet all of her commitments. Since this will never fly back home, the Department of Defense has once again thrown open the doors to allow for civilians to perform functions typically only done by soldiers.

That is what I am doing back in the Middle East. This is my first convoy protection mission along with 11 other contractors spread out in 3 trucks bristling with machineguns and weighed down with welded on armor. We are guarding 36 semi trucks hauling supplies for the British Army driven by third country nationals from all over the former British Empire. At least they mostly speak English.

I can't say I am impressed with this company; it seems pretty unprofessional the way they just threw us together with no train up period or even a chance to get to know our fellow guards. I am riding in the back seat of a Chevy pickup truck sagging under the weight of an armored gun tub in the bed with an ancient Russian machine gun manned by an Aussie that claims to be ex AUS SAS. The driver used to be a cop in San Antonio and the vehicle commander is a former US Army Ranger that did 3 tours in Iraq before deciding to try his hand as a civilian. Our personal weapons are a mixture of rifles and submachine guns that look like they were bought in the second hand section of the local weapons bazaar.

It is one of those gorgeous desert mornings where the sun is just starting to rise and if you are half drunk and squint your eyes just right you can sort of see, but not quite, why people have been killing each other over this sandbox for most of recorded human history. At least it isn't hot yet.

A few miles down the road I start to get butterflies in my stomach. I can't tell why but for some reason I am nervous. Scanning the road ahead all I see is sand, scraps of rubber from tires that have blown out, and the carcass of a dead camel. Nothing I haven't seen a hundred times before. It happens just as we pass the camel. A feeling of pressure and heat and then nothing as the truck I am riding in and the four of us are torn into wreckage and the unrecognizable hunks of meat left by a large IED.

**Time: N/A, Date: N/A. The Pearly Gates, Heaven.**

One minute I was riding in a gun truck listening to my partners lie about how many Philipina girls they have fucked since they got in country, the next I am standing before a frowning St. Peter who is looking at me with an expression of mixed disdain and astonishment. Only one thought went through my mind.

"Well, this sucks." I said while looking at my new flowing white robes that have replaced my 5.11 utilities and body armor.

Judging by the deepening frown from history's most famous fisherman my ability to put my foot in my mouth has surpassed even Saotome Ranma.

"Well, I can assure you the alternative is a lot worse." He said with a testy voice. Now how may I help you, sir?"

I swear there was a five second pause between the "you" and that last "sir," Does this guy have a problem with me personally or is there some kind of holy hazing ritual I am unfamiliar with.

I decided that being as polite as possible to the gatekeeper of heaven can only help my chances of having a pleasant eternity. "I'm sorry sir, I was just a little surprised to be here so suddenly. I had always planned on dieing in bed at the age of 120 surrounded by my adoring family and friends." I dissembled, "I have always tried my best to live a good life and keep to a personal code of honor inspired by the Bible" I said, laying on the ingratiating act as thick as I thought I could get away with. "Please let me pass on to my eternal reward sir and I won't trouble you anymore." I almost choked on the last bit, but I really really don't want to go to hell. I hate the heat, despite how much time I have spent in the desert in recent years.

He looked me over like a bug and I got a sudden mental image of a trap door opening in the clouds under my feet and me falling down, down, down… I was still discovering my new fear of falling when St. Peter started talking again; "We don't get a lot of your _kind_ here," the sneer was almost palpable. What did I ever do to this guy? "But your name _is_ in my book. Along with a _very_ detailed description of your life. You had better give thanks to the Almighty I don't have some of Michael's soldiers bounce you down where you belong."

With this speech out of the way the most famous fisherman and probably rudest gate guard in history waved me through, as the giant pearl that makes up the gate to heaven split down the middle and opened wide to let me in. As I stepped through I heard St. Peter mutter under his breath: "I'll be watching you mercenary." In a decidedly unpleasant tone of voice that sent shivers up my recently blown up spine.

So that was it. I have gotten the "mercenary" thing from a lot of people over the years. Generally from liberal twits or Soldiers pissed off I make more money then they do. You develop a thick skin pretty quickly in the business or you find another line of work. Security contractors aren't mercenaries, we are security guards. Nothing more or less. We just happen to be a bit more heavily armed then the Wackenhut guy you may have seen around town. Unless of course you have ever met any of the Wackenhut guards that work at the Nevada Test Site or Oak Ridge, those guys have some really cool toys. "I wonder if he posts on Democraticunderground dot com," I mused as I walked into town on a street made of gold.

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: Starbucks store number 777777, Heaven.**

I was at the counter of the Heaven Starbucks waiting for my large coffee. One good thing about this place is the counter staff at Starbucks all know that when I say I want a large coffee with cream and sugar I don't mean a grande half calf venti latte whatever, I mean I want a large coffee with cream and sugar. I have taken to hanging out in Starbucks a lot here. Normally I would prefer a biker bar or similar low class dive, but this place doesn't run to that sort of thing. Oh, there are bars mind you. The son of the guy that runs this place has a great joint for wine, but the ambiance just ain't there.

I can't really tell you how long I have been dead. Time doesn't have much meaning in Heaven. It is strange and hard to explain. I would probably get a headache thinking about it I wasn't where I am. I am used to a life of adventure where I can travel off to a foreign land at a moments notice and do all sorts of crazy things and even get paid for it. This place with its class, sophistication, boredom, safety, and ennui is driving me out of my mind. I need action and adventure, I need excitement and challenge. I need to ride a motorcycle flat out, heck bent for leather over a twisting mountain road, I need the multiple near death experiences you get by driving a couple blocks in a third world city. I need to cuss. That's right I can't even use foul language here. For a while there I sounded like Ned Flanders every time I opened my mouth. It was darn diddly-arned annoying.

While I was lost in thought my order got delivered and I started walking towards an empty table. The place was just starting to fill up with the lunch rush and I want to sit alone somewhere I don't have to listen to people talk about how happy they are and how they can't wait until their family can join them here. That topic of conversation is pretty morbid if you think about it and it would probably bother me quite a bit. If I weren't in Heaven.

I must have had my head wedged firmly up my rear end, because I failed to notice the five foot three inch mid-twenties brunette with the truly heavenly body filling out her robes. That is until I slammed right into her and spilled my now miraculously room temperature coffee all over her.

"Hey watch it you clumsy pea brained jerk!" She yelled as her eyes started flashing with the first signs of anger I have seen since I got here. My heart skipped a beat at the fire in her eyes. Not in the, hey that chick is really hot and paying attention to me kind of way it would have when I was alive. It was more an 'Oh thank you God for this reprieve from boredom.' I think I heard a "Your welcome."

Grinning like the maniac I am, I immediately retaliated with my own salvo: "_You_ watch where I'm going runt!" Honestly, it was entirely my fault, but I was bored and frustrated and needed the release.

I swear steam came out of her ears. "Don't yell at me you blockhead! Look at me, my robes are ruined and I have to get back to work in 15 minutes!"

By this time there is a general exodus from the coffee shop in progress. People, angels, and other types getting out of Dodge like something bad is about to happen. It's Heaven, it's not like _anything_ can happen here. Besides this is the most fun I have had since I died.

"I'll yell at whoever I want pipsqueak. Don't tell me what to do, like you're some smelly hippy whining that my SUV is killing whales and making the rainforest cry!" I hollered back as I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stared down at the brunette who by now was an interesting shade of red I have only seen on the faces of people who have been covered in pepper spray.

"What's wrong with caring about endangered species and the environment!" She yelled while stomping her tiny foot.

This is was getting better and better. I started smirking at the new directions my insults could take and my grin turned downright evil when I noticed that she had a small Sailor Moon figurine attached to the purse she is carrying over her shoulder. "An anime loving hippy?" I thought to myself, "Oh boy this is gonna be fun".

I was trying to come up with a way to link her to Chibi Usa and Berkley when "He" appeared in the front door of the coffee shop to my left. At least half a foot taller then my 6 feet even, 220 pounds of solid muscle, dressed in old style body armor made of gleaming metal and carrying an unsheathed sword in his hands with FLAMES licking off the edge, large wings on his back. Angel. Not one of Charlie's either.

I didn't really think about it at the time but as I turned to face him I stepped so that I was between him and the little Sailor Moon fan. I may be a hard case, but I wouldn't stand a chance against this guy. It was time to de-escalate. I raised my hands in what I hoped looked friendly to the big guy. I was also hoping he wouldn't lop them off at the wrist with his burning pig-sticker, he was looking kind of peeved.

He looked through me with piercing eyes whose color I can't even describe. When he spoke his voice was soft yet it echoed off the walls like thunder.

"Just what do you fools think you are doing?"

I was through. No excuses came to my lips. My feet rooted to the floor as though they had been there a thousand years. Behind me the half-pint was just stuttering; "I, I'm, I was, we were just" over and over again.

Not getting a satisfactory answer he just narrowed those freaky eyes, sheathed his sword and growled out: "Follow me." as he stalked out of Starbucks.

I glanced back and craned my neck down to meet the eyes of my erstwhile adversary that were now brimming with unshed tears. Tears of anger mostly, given the set of her jaw and the glare she was directing my way. I shrugged my shoulders in an apology and headed after the big guy with the wings.

She wasn't far behind and as we walked up the street I decided to try and have a last civil conversation. After all at that point I was pretty sure where I was headed. I felt kinda guilty about getting the shrimp into trouble along with me, but hey, what are you gonna do?

"So uh hey, do you know who the big guy with the fancy hardware is?" I whispered to her.

She gave me the same kind of look you would give a particularly ugly baby, (half pitying and half disgusted in case you have never seen an ugly baby) "That's Michael." she said "Arch-angel of War."

"That would explain the flaming sword. So I take it we've stepped into a big pile of doody with both feet here, huh?"

She turned her face away from me and muttered; "What do you mean we? Jerk."

I could understand the hostility, but there was no reason I couldn't be friendly on my way to the gallows. "I'm Outlaw One I offered, I was in security before I came here."

She looked set to ignore me for the rest of the walk, but thought better of it. "My name is Emily, but you can call me Hitomi. Everyone else does." I looked at her clearly Caucasian self and raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah she said defensively; "I'm an otaku, that's what everyone at the anime club used to call me. I was in art school before I came here, I was going to be a famous American manga artist."

"Oh," I replied "I used to like to watch anime during my down time. So how did you come to be in heaven at such a young age?"

She almost looked uncomfortable with the subject, but it must have been my imagination. "A drunk driver on the I-605. He rammed my Prius into a guard rail with his truck. He didn't get a scratch and here I am." She looked at me. "How about you? How did you arrive in the after life."

Now it was my turn to feel self conscious. "In a bunch of little pieces." I ground out and looked away.

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: Main Executive Office, Heaven.**

It didn't take long to arrive at a large white building that had the look of Government architecture, if the government in question was never troubled by cost overruns, delays, or corruption. Really, what else did I expect?

We made our way to the back of the building past a maze of offices all tastefully decorated in a motif that actually made them seem comfortable and efficient. I had no doubt the beings working there loved their job and their work spaces.

You know I have actually had nightmares about working in an office like that?

At last we came to an ordinary door and Michael waved us toward it while making no effort to follow or even open the door for us. His job was done apparently and we now had as little meaning to him as the carpet under his combat sandals.

I looked at the runt who was still ignoring me totally. Then opened the door and walked inside.

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: God's office.**

You ever have one of those moments when you are absolutely sure you have gone through the looking glass and are sure nothing will ever be the same again?

I got that as soon as I walked in and glanced around. The Lord God Almighty was just standing behind his desk with a welcoming smile on his face beckoning us to come in. He looked like a kindly grandfather more then anything else, but his presence was incredible. I have never felt anything like it before or since. I dropped to my knees and bowed my head waiting for whatever terrible judgment to be passed down for my transgressions.

God just chuckled and said; "Quit acting like a child caught doing something bad and stand up. I have a job for both of you."

I didn't know what he wanted, but at that point I was ready to do anything, especially if it would keep me out of hell. The runt (who had been prostrated beside me) was looking equally relieved at the prospect of a second chance no matter what form it might take.

"Before I explain I want you meet someone." He said as he gestured to the child I hadn't noticed standing beside his desk smirking at us for making a spectacle of ourselves.

Little emo looking punk, already I didn't care for him.

"This is Uchi…" at that point The Lord God Almighty was interrupted by the most horrible fangirl screech I have ever heard in my life.

"Sasukeeeeeee!" screeched the girl beside me. Clasping her hands together and jumping up and down.

I jammed my fingers in my ears in a reflex action wishing I had some ear plugs. I swear to the guy standing behind the desk that the kid, who really did bear an uncanny resemblance to a younger, live action Uchiha Sasuke, sweat-dropped like an anime character. God just demonstrated his incredible power by sitting there and smiling indulgently instead of nuking the site from orbit.

After the screaming was over the big guy continued his introduction, "Yes this is Uchiha Sasuke, whom you know from the Naruto series of manga and anime."

He said a bunch of really complicated stuff I couldn't really understand but the gist of it is that He created more then one timeline and pretty much every work of fiction in any one of these timelines is actually the product of an individual who can sort of peer through the veil between the worlds and see significant events with their mind and then record them. Most authors don't even know they are doing this.

The Sasuke He was introducing us to did not come from the main Naruto universe but actually an alternate one. And the reason he was in heaven was that, like me and short stuff, he was dead.

"This Sasuke didn't deal with the death of his clan as well as some other versions did. Unfortunately he committed suicide."

The kid looked at the floor and blushed. I felt bad for him. Hitomi went over and pulled the kid into an embrace. He didn't look comfortable.

God continued speaking; "Because he is a child his soul will not suffer eternal torment, but since he committed a willful act of self destruction I cannot send him back, and his world needs Uchiha Sasuke."

I raised my eyebrow at this, but wasn't about to interrupt a being that could unmake my very existence by will power alone. I mean who the heck needs Sasuke?

The King of Kings and Lord of Hosts may have noticed my facial gesture or He may have been planning to continue. "You see if Uzumaki Naruto doesn't become friends/rivals with Sasuke then Naruto will not have the willpower needed to keep the Kyuubi in check."

Hitomi looked kind of confused at this, but I understood perfectly. Sometimes you need a good rival to help sharpen your focus.

"This of course could be very bad for Konoha, especially if it happens after the death of the Hokage during the Chuunin exams. A full manifestation by the Kyuubi would be the equivalent destruction of a large scale nuclear war."

Sasuke blushed even more in embarrassment over what his actions might bring about. Hitomi paled at the mention of nuclear weaponry. I frowned because I had a sneaking suspicion where all this was headed.

"Now then" said God, "here is what I want you all to do. Outlaw since you are having a hard time adjusting to life here I am sending you to take Sasuke's place in Konoha. You will take control his body and step into his life from the point he died. Your mission is to keep the Kyuubi from taking over Naruto's body and manifesting into the physical world at all costs. How you accomplish this task is up to you, but I suggest you not announce to the people of Konoha that you are my messenger sent to save them from destruction." I smirked at the mental image that brought.

"Hitomi" On hearing her name the girl in question popped to attention and saluted, I almost burst out laughing, "since you are an expert on the subject, you are going to act as Outlaw's contact with heaven. He will be able to contact you and ask you questions about the Naruto universe and you will be able to give him other aid via heaven. Nothing to extraordinary in keeping with the covert nature of the mission, but I am not leaving one of my agents out in the cold with no support."

"Sasuke; I want you to train up Outlaw for his mission. Teach him as much as you know about how to be you. He also needs to know everything you know about Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Genjutsu. I am counting on you son, I know you can do it." Sasuke drew himself up at the praise and looked determined to do his best.

God looked around at the three of us. "So any questions?" he asked.

I looked at my two new partners and seeing they weren't going to say anything cleared my throat and asked the obvious, to me anyway, question. "How much are we getting paid for this, Sir?"

If I wasn't talking to God Almighty I would have thought I took him by surprise with that. Sasuke was looking at me in shock and the half pint looked like she was trying not to swallow her tongue.

Really I expected it from the hippy girl, but Sasuke is from a ninja village with an economy based on the idea that people with special skills should get paid to put their lives in danger.

The Lord chuckled, "Of course you are right, you will be paid for this venture. And I think it will be best Outlaw, if we put you on the payroll as an independent contractor. You'll attract less demonic attention that way. If you will go see Michael he will have a contract for you to sign and give you all a briefing on the nuts and bolts of the mission."

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: Guardian Angel Training Facility briefing room 104, Purgatory**

Sasuke, Hitomi, and myself were sitting behind a row of folding tables while Michael the Archangel went over our mission details.

"Outlaw 1, you know how stupid that name is? I feel like I lose IQ points every time I use it." Michael stated.

"Read the Forward to the chapter and quit breaking the forth wall" I growled.

"Right, you'll be the primary operator for this mission. Your soul will be inserted into the body left by Uchiha Sasuke after he committed suicide."

I felt the need to interrupt at this point, "If I am being put into a corpse, then how am I going to accomplish the mission?"

Michael looked at me condescendingly. "The body will be brought back to life and healed enough for you to survive the injuries. Your first priority will be to seek medical attention. Following that you will assume the role of Uchiha Sasuke and attempt to make contact with your target. From there you will, by whatever means necessary, prevent the personality of Uzumaki Naruto from being subsumed by the demon known as the Kyuubi no Yoko which would lead to a full manifestation of the demon and the destruction of most human life in that time stream."

"No pressure there" I thought.

"Hitomi, you will be the information officer and also function as Outlaw's control. You will stay in purgatory and using a Holy Communications Center maintain contact with him. You will have access to internet from your home timeline for intelligence gathering, but be warned, any changes Outlaw makes will NOT be online nor will the effects of those changes. Sasuke will also work with you and provide local knowledge you may not be able to access. You will have visual as well as audio contact with Outlaw so you can also act as a look out during battle. You will also relay any messages or orders from Heaven. You will be our sole contact with Outlaw in an attempt to divert demonic attention from this operation."

"Sasuke; you're the head trainer. Your job is to teach Outlaw everything you know. Since this is purgatory the restrictions to physical and mental discomfort are turned off. You will also have access to the training facilities here. They will be able to simulate any environment or weaponry you need."

"Like the Danger Room?" I interupted.

The Arch Angel continued on as if I hadn't said anything, "I suggest you start with taijutsu as soon as we are finished here."

I swear I saw a smile for half a second there. It may have been my imagination though.

"While you do that I will begin Hitomi's training with the communications equipment."

End Chapter One

End notes:

This should be the last my avatar sees of Heaven for quite sometime and the last time it appears in the story. I just got tired of all the Kami-sama/Ah! Megami-sama stuff that gets used as a vehicle in so many self inserts, and decided that if I needed a Deus Ex Machina to explain my presence in the Naruto world then why not use the God I believe in?

Next chapter will cover insertion into Konoha and the contractor's first meeting with some of the dramatis personae.

Updates may take a while. I am writing this in my spare time while working in the Middle East and we are pretty busy.


	2. Chapter 2 A full vocabulary

**An American Contractor in Konoha**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any associated intellectual properties. If I did I would probably be able to draw something other than stick figures.

Warning: I don't pull any punches with my language or how the world really works. I have been places most Americans have never heard of and some of the things I have seen people do to each other, socially and psychologically as well as violence, would make your skin crawl. It is a really ugly world and some of that is going to reflect in my writing, especially a story like this. Oh yeah it is also a self insert, maybe you should just stop reading now…

**Chapter Two**

Is anyone still reading this?

Right, from this point on things start to get a little dark. Sorry but life is kinda ugly, especially when you get paid to toss sharp objects at people like the denizens of Konoha. Anyone that thinks Fire-element Ninjutsu are cool has obviously never seen what it looks like when someone gets burned to death.

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: Heaven's Army Training Center Purgatory.**

Time is meaningless here. All I knew for sure was that it was now time to go. I was happy to be getting back to what I think of as my work, doing the dirty jobs a government or corporate entity didn't want to do themselves. Just because I am dead is no reason to quit working. After a little run in with an IED I somehow made it into Heaven. Heaven is a wonderful place where there is no conflict, no stress, and your every wish and desire are met. Of course I hated every minute of it. Fortunately I came to the attention of the Big Guy that runs the place and he, of course, came up with the perfect solution. He put me to work. Now I am a contractor employed by Heaven to put things right that need that certain touch of plausible deniability.

My first assignment: Save the soul of Uzumaki Naruto and along with it the world. Well one world in one timeline anyway. No pressure, right?

In the particular Naruto Timeline I was going to Uchiha Sasuke had committed suicide shortly after Itachi slaughtered the rest of the family. Since he was a child at the time his soul was admitted to Heaven. Of course Sasuke is pretty important to the Naruto universe: Without him to serve as a rival and then a friend for Naruto, Naruto would not have developed the mental strength to keep the Kyuubi at bay. If the Kyuubi breaks through Naruto's mental barriers and manifests into the physical world it could be a world ending event. Which would be a bad thing.

To help me in my mission God asked Sasuke to help train me. You see the plan is for me take over Sasuke's body and his life and try to ensure that Naruto remains in control.

To help me in this mission I have a direct line to Heaven that is answered by Emily. She is a fellow deceased otaku with an almost encyclopedic memory of hundred's of Anime and Manga. She is also a hippy and a fangirl, so our conversations tend to be "interesting". She also insists I call her Hitomi; only fair, I guess, since I go by my old handle of Outlaw 1 here.

The Arch Angel of War himself, Michael, is in overall charge of the mission.

Ok enough recapping on with the show… er chapter.

The four of us were all gathered in Michael's office in purgatory for our final mission brief. Michael was going over the details of my insertion into the timeline.

"Outlaw, you will be dropping in at the exact second that Sasuke's soul left his body. We will heal the damage enough for you to survive for a little while, but you are going to need medical attention fairly quickly. We would do more for you, but we are trying to keep the expenditure of Holy power to a minimum so that the Kyuubi won't notice. If it even suspects an agent of Heaven is present then your job will be that much harder."

I turned to Sasuke who was standing to my right. "Hey kid, I hate to ask you this, but I need to know. How did you do it?"

Hitomi, who had assumed a sort of maternal protectiveness over the young Uchiha, put her arm around his shoulder. "What's wrong with you, asking him something like that?" she yelled at me. "Don't you have any human decency at all you thug?" All five feet, one hundred pounds of her were quivering in moral outrage. The effect on her chest through the white robe was intriguing.

Before I could say anything, Sasuke shrugged her arm off. "He needs to know." He said, looking at me with an unreadable expression. "I used a kunai to cut the veins in my left wrist, my jugular veins, and my carotid arteries. It is something we are taught in Konoha in case we must avoid capture." With that he sort of withdrew back into himself and let Hitomi put her arm around him again.

The poor kid was still hurting. Being in Purgatory for the training wasn't doing him much good, although he was perfectly fine while he was wiping the floor of the training hall with me.

"Sorry kid, but you know why I had to ask." Hitomi glared at me, but I ignored it with practiced ease.

"There is one more piece of information you need before you go." Michael interrupted.

We turned our attention back to him. "This last part is vital and we haven't gone over it before because I only got approval for this part of the plan a short time ago."

I looked at him with flat eyes. Making changes to a plan just prior to jump off is a recipe for major screw ups.

Michael continued "This will not affect your operations at all. This is our final option in case of total mission failure." He paused a moment to make sure he had our attention. "In the event of a total mission failure, if a full manifestation of the Kyuubi is imminent, I will transport a large conventional explosive device to Uzumaki Naruto's current position and detonate it. No matter where he happens to be at the time."

Hitomi and Sasuke drew in a sharp breath. I tried not to show it but I was a bit surprised at the ruthlessness of this new facet to our plan. I wouldn't be able to maintain my cool for long.

"The device is closely calibrated to cause the kind of massive damage needed to stop the Kyuubi. The approximate yield is 10 megatons."

"Ten megatons?" I asked incredulously.

"Is that a lot?" Hitomi asked looking a bit confused.

"It's about one hundred times as powerful as the bomb we dropped on Hiroshima." I supplied, my eye brows twitching. I mean, yeah I believe that nuking the site from orbit is an entirely appropriate solution to quite a few situations; however, I was likely to be nearby for the blast. No thanks, been there, done that with lower grade explosives. No need to reach for the brass ring.

Hitomi looked aghast, while Sasuke just looked confused, guess they don't have nuclear weapons in his home timeline.

Michael was looking impatient (again) "I suggest you use this information to motivate you to succeed in your mission. Wrap up any affairs you need to quickly; I will summon you shortly before mission start." With that we were dismissed.

**Time: N/A, date: N/A. Location: Heaven's Army Operations Center Building, Purgatory.**

We were standing in the office holding the communications suite that Hitomi would be using in her role as mission controller. It was a small cramped office with a comfortable chair facing a computer and a bank of flat screen monitors. It had that blend of drab functionality and high tech equipment I have come expect from such places. Seeing as it was heaven I wasn't surprised to see that everything actually worked like it was supposed to.

Michael looked at me one last time, "If you are expecting a pep talk, forget it. You know your job; go do it."

Just what I like, a boss that deeply cares about the people working for him. "You got it, Boss." I replied cavalierly. "So where is the transport, or do I need to start walking? "

He gave me the look you would expect for a sarcastic comment like that and said; "That won't be necessary."

All of a sudden the world turned inside out and I could taste the color purple. It is sort of mint flavored if you were wondering. And yes, that information was going to make me suspicious of popsicles for a long time.

**Time: 1924 hrs, Date: 4 years before the start of Naruto. Location: The Uchiha family compound.**

The disorientation lasted less then a second and I was suddenly standing in a traditional Japanese style room- tatami mats and paper walls that kind of shit. There were also old dried blood stains on the ground in front of me. I could smell fresh blood in the air. It was about the time that I noticed this that the pain hit me. Looking down I saw hands that were connected to my arms, but weren't mine. In the right hand was a kunai style knife. It was crude but well made and unornamented, perfect for a weapon that you might take into harms way, but have to discard at some point. The left hand was a mess. The sleeve on that arm was rolled back and the inner forearm was not just cut, but flayed down to the bone exposing cut arteries and veins. The blood was pouring out of the massive wound fast. More blood was cascading down my chest from my throat. I was no doctor, but I didn't think I had long to watch the show.

In my ear I heard Hitomi's voice: "Eew that's gross.

I also heard a whimper that was probably Sasuke and Michael saying; "Ahh good the communications lines are open.

"What the hell is going on?" I gurgled into the empty room.

Michael replied: "This is the start of your mission. You are in Sasuke's body just prior to his death by suicide. God is about to heal you just enough to survive long enough to seek medical attention.

"I hope He hurries the fuck up this hurts like a bitch." I said while putting pressure on the wound to try and staunch the ever increasing blood flow that was adding a fresh pool of blood to the stains already on the floor.

"Why can I hear you in my head?"

Hitomi: "You didn't pay attention in those briefings? I can talk to you from the control room, I can also see what your eyes see on my screens or view the area immediately around you."

I wanted to make a snappy remark to answer her snarky tone, but at that moment the wound under my hand started glowing and I felt warmth suffuse my body. I moved my hand in time to see the wound on my wrist begin closing on it's own as though it were healing before my eyes. Oh yeah, Holy magic is awesome. I gotta see if I can learn that water to wine trick someday.

All to soon the effect ended leaving me with a wound that looked like something a goth kid that got serious about it would do to themselves. Life threatening, but no longer impossible to survive. It still hurt like hell. The wound to my throat had disappeared entirely.

"Guess that's all I get." I muttered as I set to work.

First step was to put a tourniquet on my arm. I tore a strip from my shirt and wrapped it around my wrist. Tying it in a knot with only one hand was a pain in the ass but I finally got it done and slipped the handle of the kunai into the slack end and started twisting. The secret to successful application of a tourniquet is that if it doesn't hurt it won't stop the blood flow. I growled as the bleeding stopped and tied the tails of the knot around the knife to keep it in place using my right hand and my teeth.

I then wrapped another strip of shirt around the wound itself to help keep debris out.

This left me half naked and half conscious from the blood loss, but able to move.

"Hitomi," I said "Is Sasuke there?"

Hitomi: "He's here but he doesn't look to good. He's just staring off into space."

Great, just when I need him he goes into shell shock. I mean watching yourself die on TV can't be all that traumatizing; kids are all sorts of resilient. "I got it." I ground out.

"Hey kid!" I yelled into the empty room. "Cowboy the fuck up and get back on the fucking job! I need you here or I am fucked like a troop of boy scouts camping in Michael Jackson's backyard."

Hitomi: "Hey! Watch it, mister."

Sasuke: "I'm all right."

"OK kid, I need you to help me find my way out of here and get somewhere that has people."

Sasuke: "Alright. Turn around and go through the door behind you."

As Sasuke's directions led me further from the grisly scene that was the place he died in this timeline he seemed to recover from his state of shock. He was getting almost loquacious by the time I stumbled out onto a well traveled street. Covered in blood. I bumped into a fat lady carrying a cat and when she looked down at me, she was so startled she let out a little yelp and loosened her grip enough that the cat escaped her hold and took off running down the street. I looked up at her, woozy from the blood loss, and said: "You got a band aid and some morphine you could lend me?" Then I felt myself falling as the screaming started. I blacked out shortly before I hit the ground.

**Time: 0800 hrs, Mission Time: D+ 10 hours 36 mins, 4 years before the start of Naruto. Location: Konoha hospital.**

The thing about waking up in a hospital after passing out is the confusion. At first you think you are safe in your own bed. Then you open your eyes and see the tubes sticking in you and start smelling the disinfectant and you start wondering just what you did after the party last night.

Of course in my case I also started hearing frantic voices in your head asking you if I was ok? If it hurts? And my favorite: Did I know how worried they were?

"Give me a break, I just woke the fuck up." I said to the room at large.

Hitomi: "You bastard!" I thought I heard a door slam.

Sasuke: "I think you over did it there. She was really worried about you. She stayed at the console all night waiting for you to wake up."

Yeah, so I ain't the most pleasant individual when I wake up in a hospital, hey clinical environments bug me. "Why are you still there kid? I thought your job was done and you were going back to heaven."

Sasuke: "I want to stay and help. It was my life after all and my world."

"Ha! Look who wants to save the fucking world."

Sasuke: "Wow, you sure are foul mouthed. Do you think you could watch the language a little? That is my body you are wearing and I don't want people to get the wrong idea."

"Foul mouthed?" I asked absently as I started looking around the room. It was a generic hospital room. Two adjustable beds, thankfully only mine was occupied or my roommate would have had a ringside seat to this conversation. Pastel colors on the walls, An insipid watercolor painting of some flowers, and a TV. There was a window with sunlight streaming in and I could see the sky through it. There were a couple chairs for visitors, one of those tables that rolls over top of the bed, and an IV stand with a bag on it connected to my right arm via a clear tube. Someone had cleaned me up and professionally bandaged my left arm. "What do you mean foul mouthed? I haven't been able to cuss since I died."

Sasuke: "You've been talking like a sailor ever since you got to Konoha. That world doesn't have any verbal morality controls like Heaven and Purgatory. It is kind of funny, though I can't really tell what you say since it gets bleeped out when it comes over the speakers."

"No shit?" I would have to get used to having a full vocabulary again.

"Well fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. This fucking rocks." I said as I lifted my arms off the bed. The motion caused a spasm of pain in my left wrist. "Fuck!" I yelled.

Sasuke: Hn.

The commotion must have been noticed because the door to my room opened and a woman dressed as a nurse walked in. The way she moved, all light yet tightly controlled at the same time told me she was a trained fighter. Probably a medical ninja.

"Oh, your awake." she said. "Just wait right there." Then she was gone again.

"You know her, kid?" I asked Sasuke in the emptiness of the room.

Sasuke: "No, it's a big village. I don't know everyone in it."

Before I could reply the door opened again and a head peeked around it. It belonged to a youngish adult wearing a Konoha Hitai-ate with a large scar running horizontally underneath his eyes and bisecting his nose. He had a kind face that was clouded by worry and a hint of disappointment.

Sasuke: "That's Iruka, he is my homeroom teacher at the Ninja Academy."

I couldn't respond since I wasn't alone so I settled for greeting the new comer. "Hello, Iruka-sensei, please come in."

Iruka put his hands on his hips and stared down at me. "So what the hell were you thinking with that little stunt? I mean you obviously weren't trying to kill yourself. I checked your academy records, you've already had self-termination training. What you did to yourself was the mark of an amateur, not someone who has undergone the best ninja training in the world."

This speech was a little much to take first thing in the morning.

"Hey, teach, I was just peeling the apple I was gonna give you and my hand slipped."

I swear to my new boss that one of those little anime symbols that looks like a pound sign appeared on his temple and he clenched his fists in anger. Anime is so cool.

Iruka visibly calmed himself with an effort. "You look a lot better then last time I saw you." He said. "Of course, you were unconscious and covered in blood."

I hazarded a guess , "You're the one that found me."

"I heard the Daimyo's wife scream and went to check it out. I got you to the hospital in time for them to save your life."

I had just the right response for that: "Hn"

After that Iruka talked at me about some inconsequential things like homework, respect for authority, not killing yourself , and something about seat belts and fire extinguishers. Honestly, I tuned him out.

An hour or so later he was chased out by a doctor who looked at my wrist and told me I was fine and to get out and stop wasting their time.

**Time: 1100 hrs Location The streets of Konoha 4 years before the start of the Naruto series**

I was walking along exploring my new hometown. It was strange, a lot of people were waving and even calling me by my name. It seemed Sasuke was a popular kid in this town. I wasn't getting a whole lot of communication from control. The real Sasuke had clammed up after I started walking around town and Hitomi was taking a short nap after staying up all night.

I was trying to think of a way I could use the "short nap" line to antagonize her when I noticed a shop I recognized from the anime. Ichiraku Ramen is actually located in what would be called the "bad" part of Konoha if such a thing can be said to exist. It is certainly a rundown section of town and the restaurant is no exception. However ,the smell coming from the place is incredible. I can see why Naruto likes to eat there so much.

Looking under the little hanging curtain I saw no sign of anyone wearing orange so I decided not to stop in, but this place was definitely on my list of "places in Konoha I just have to visit."

I wandered a little more as the day turned to afternoon and then to evening. Konoha was interesting. The architecture was like nothing I had seen before (outside the Naruto anime and manga of course) and I just felt like looking around and getting my bearings.

As the last rays of sunlight faded away I found myself in a deserted park. Since no one was around I figured I could finally have a conversation with myself without anyone thinking I was crazy. Granted I expected to have a conversation with a shrink after the previous tenant of this body played slice and dice with his wrist, but they just seemed to shrug it off as "boys will be boys". A refreshing point of view, really. After all I was with Skippy of "Skippy's list" fame: A potential suicide should be given a loaded magazine and some time alone to work out his or her (and you thought I wasn't politically correct) issues. All I asked was that you think of the janitor and do that shit outside or something.

Still, I figured talking to myself in front of the locals would be a bad thing.

"Hey pipsqueak, you done with your _short _nap yet?" I asked into thin air.

Hitomi: "Watch it mister or I will… I will …"

"You'll what?" I asked, amused.

Hitomi: "I'll wash your mouth out with soap.

Sasuke chose that moment to break in before I could ask her if that meant she was planning on joining me in the shower.

Sasuke: "Leave her alone, I don't want my body arguing with innocent women."

Aw, was the kid developing a crush on the fangirl? Guess he digs older chicks.

Hitomi: "So what do you want?"

"I need some directions here. It is getting about time to get some sleep and I have no idea how to get back to the Uchiha estate."

Sasuke: "I don't live there anymore. I have an apartment over by the academy. I'll guide you to the school and then back to my apartment so you can get to class in the morning."

"Thanks kid." I said as I exited the park.

Sasuke: "No problem, now turn around because you have to go back through the park to get there."

Smart ass little punk.

**Time: 2000 hrs Location: Uchiha Sasuke's apartment. 4 years before the start of the Naruto series**

It only took a couple minutes to walk to Sasuke's apartment with a short detour to find the Ninja Academy. Now I was ransacking the kid's fridge looking for something that resembled food.

"Fish." "Natto." "Miso." "Weird Japanese shit I can't identify." I said naming items as I casually tossed them over my shoulder into a trash can.

Hitomi: "Hey what are you doing with Sasuke's food!"

"Well I figured since A: he won't be needing it anymore, B: I don't eat any of this stuff, and C: I am not going to keep it as some sort of shrine, that I would clean out the fridge before I fill it with stuff I can eat. Mostly red meat and bacon if you were wondering. I guess I am a little to young for beer still."

Hitomi: "I should say you are too young for beer!" "Have you thought about going vegan? It really is a much healthier lifestyle."

"Yeah only if you are some hipster douche living off of your trust fund who does nothing more physically active then shopping to try and find the tightest jeans possible." I snarked. "Look, I'm going to be working as a ninja here. That means lots of running around and getting into combat. I am going to need lots of protein and starches for that kind of activity. And besides, vegan is another word for pussy." I muttered back as I continued to throw various strange, exotic, and no doubt horribly tasting food into the trash.

Finding some rice, chicken and spices, I decided on dinner for the night and threw away the trash. I would make a big enough meal to live off the leftovers and then go shopping after school tomorrow. I really hoped they would have bacon here.

Just as I was climbing into bed I heard a voice inside my skull.

Sasuke: "Hitomi says I am only allowed to tell you where the vegetable market is."

"Tell her she's a dirty hippy midget." I said as I rolled over and went to sleep. What a fucking day.


	3. Chapter 3 First Fight Scene

**An American Contractor in Konoha**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any associated intellectual properties. If I did I would probably be able to draw something other than stick figures.

Warning: I don't pull any punches with my language or how the world really works. I have been places most Americans have never heard of and some of the things I have seen people do to each other, socially and psychologically as well as violence, would make your skin crawl. It is a really ugly world and some of that is going to reflect in my writing, especially a story like this. Oh yeah it is also a self insert, maybe you should just stop reading now…

**Chapter Three**

**Time: 0530 hrs Location: The streets of Konoha 4 years before the start of the Naruto series**

Normally I'm not an early riser. In fact unless there is money involved I am pretty adamant getting up at the crack of noon. However I wasn't wearing my original body. Seeing as how it had been reduced to bloody meat chunks and thanks to my new job as a contractor working for Heaven's Army I was currently wearing the body of one Uchiha Sasuke age 8, like a hand me down halloween costume.

Now Sasuke is apparently one of those annoying people that can wake up well before dawn and can be happy about it. Personally I think the kid had some sort of chemical imbalance and as soon as Tsunade shows up I am going to ask her about it. I am just hoping there are no more surprises like lactose intolerance or bedwetting in store.

Given that I was able to wake up at around 0400 hrs I got ready for the day, packed the leftovers from dinner in a rather plain looking bento I found in the kitchen and headed out to try and find some breakfast before going to the Ninja Academy. I was looking forward to my first day of Ninja school. I had picked up some tricks from the original inhabitant of this body, but I still didn't feel like I was anywhere near competent to run around killing people with sharp objects. Guns sure, no problem. I even have some idea how to use a sword thanks to learning a little Aikido in my previous life. You want me to throw knives at people while they try to kill me by shooting fireballs back? Yeah I was gonna need some more schooling.

Not to mention Naruto is in the same class in the academy and he is the primary focus of my mission here.

All of that is unimportant back story though. At the moment food was the all consuming thought on my mind.

Now Konoha is a military town. And every military organization that has existed has had a night shift. Militaries are a 24 hour endeavor and one thing about people on the night shift is they have to eat (so do day shifters, but it is easier for them to get chow). That generally means that there is going to be some sort of 24 hour eatery. Probably reasonably close to where ever the command post is. This meant I was wondering around near the Hokage tower trying to find the local equivalent of an all night diner/breakfast shop. I was hoping for something greasy and fried, but was trying to keep an open mind since I don't know all that much about Japanese breakfast food. Teriyaki and sushi are what come to mind when I think Japanese food. Yeah I ain't that cultured, but Konoha is the only place I have been to that doesn't have a McDonalds or a Burger King. Heck even Macedonia had Mickey D's. (A/N It is in the middle of Skopje not too far from the old castle, they charge for ketchup packets, but after going 6 months without a Big Mac I didn't mind.)

I found one of those little stands serving food and was able to talk the owner into frying me an egg in his wok and toasting up some slices of bread. He seemed a little put out that I didn't want any rice with my breakfast though. In fact for a minute I thought he was going to cry.

Having broken my fast I headed towards the Ninja Academy. So far the voices in my head had left me alone this morning. Hitomi isn't a morning person either apparently and Sasuke contented himself to the occasional "Hn". Monosyllabic little shit that he is.

I was a little early as I walked in the classroom. Only a smattering of kids were in their seats. Hinata was the only other member of the rookie 9 present all ready in her seat in the top far corner. Frankly given her home life it didn't surprise me that she would be early to class just to get away. I would have thought that she would be following Naruto to school, but I guess she hasn't gotten to that stage of stalkerdom yet. I walked up to the seat I vaguely remembered as Sasuke's. As I was about to sit down Hitomi made herself known for the first time that day.

Hitomi: "Not that one. Sasuke always sits in the last chair in the row."

Sasuke: "It means I only have to sit next to one fan girl."

I shuddered at the thought of sitting in between a young Sakura and Ino and moved to the last chair in the row.

As I did Kiba, with a very young Akamaru on his head came trudging in along with a couple other students I didn't remember from the anime. I hoped I wasn't supposed to know any of them.

I got some friendly waves from the new group, but seeing as I didn't know them and I was supposed to be imitating Mr. Super Emo I just stared straight ahead at the chalk board and pretended to be cool.

Time dragged on as more and more kids trickled in. Ino and Sakura made their appearance. Apparently they started fighting to be first in the class room early today as they both were a bit winded and disheveled.

Ino made it through the door first by tripping Sakura at the last second and claimed her "prize" of the seat next to me while Sakura glared daggers at her.

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun." She said with much fluttering of eye lashes. "Aren't you happy you won't have to squint against the glare of light off a big forehead to see the board today?" I heard Sakura grinding her teeth in the back ground. Honestly that kid was going to make her dentist rich if she kept going.

I contented myself with a very Sasuke like "Hn" and tried to ignore the two fan girls as they sniped at each other. Honestly, Sakura had a lot of good pig related material for an eight year old.

A couple minutes later, and right before the bell Naruto appeared. Looking like he had run a mile to get to class on time. He made some kind of lame announcement as he took his seat. Something about the class could finally start now that he had arrived. Hinata started blushing and pressing her fingers together as he sat down. I think she was staring at the kid's ass, actually.

Ino turned in her seat to face Naruto, "Honestly Naruto quit the theatrics. You are bothering Sasuke and me." She then turned back to me and latched onto my arm. "Isn't that right Sasuke-kun."

As I started prying the prepubescent vamp off me I snorted. "At least he is funny. Now, let go of me."

Hitomi: "Aw, but you are so cute together. Of course you and Sakura make a good couple too."

I just growled under my breath at that and wished I had a crow bar. At this point Sakura had veins bulging out on her forehead and I was sure she was going to start throwing knives at Ino whether she was still attached to me or not.

"Let go of him Ino-pig" she snarled as she started balling up her fists.

Ino thinking fast pulled me between Sakura and herself. "Save me from the evil giant forehead, Sasuke!" She yelled overdramatically.

With a cry of "Shanaro!" Sakura launched herself over her desk, over me and on top of Ino.

Thankfully the blond idiot let go of me so she could dodge the punch the pink haired idiot through at her.

Not being a total idiot I moved to the other side of the class room as the catfight went into full swing. For a couple of kids the girls were really putting on a show. After dodging Sakura's punch Ino retaliated with a right cross aimed to finish the fight early. Sakura must not have been as enraged as I thought, because she saw it coming a mile away and slipped to her left before grabbing on to Ino and delivering a powerful knee strike to her gut.

Ino doubled over, but grabbed Sakura's leg as it was going back down. She then drove forward and tackled Sakura into the desk I had been sitting a moment before. They went flying in a spray of classroom impedimenta ending up in a fucked up tangle on the floor while somehow wrapped up with my chair.

It looked like the fight was going to get even worse since somehow in the all the mess Ino grabbed a pencil and was trying to stab Sakura in the throat while Sakura held her wrist with one hand while using the other to bash her opponent in the head with a history book.

It was at this moment that Iruka and Mizuki walked into the classroom and started yelling at the girls to break it up. Of course they ignored the two adults and continued trying to kill each other while the Chunin ran over and started trying to pry them apart. They were having a hell of a time getting them untangled from the chair, but I was going to have to ask Mizuki about the move he used to take the pencil away from Ino.

While I was trying to watch the show the voices in my head started up again.

Hitomi: "Wow, they are really going at it. That doesn't look nearly as funny as it does in the anime. "

Sasuke: "They do that kind of stuff all the time. You will get used to it, eventually."

Hitomi: "Hey dummy."

I guessed she meant me so I made a non committal grunt that anyone watching would assume was a reaction to watching Sakura kick Iruka in the shin when he got his leg between her foot and Ino's head.

Hitomi: "This is a good chance to try talking to Naruto. You remember that whole trying to save the world thing right? Or would you rather keep watching girls gone wild, ninja edition?"

"Pushy hippy." I muttered as I turned away the cat fight had progressed to the hair pulling stage anyway, and walked over to Naruto's seat.

"I think my desk is a casualty of war over there. You mind if I sit here?" I asked a scowling Naruto as he noticed my approach.

"Go ahead." He muttered suspiciously as he turned back to the fight. "Sakura-chan." He winced as Ino pulled her hand back with a fist full of pink hair attached.

"Why you like her?" I asked companionably as a couple more teachers ran in the room to help, apparently hearing the commotion from their class rooms.

Naruto looked at me like I was an idiot. "Because she is pretty, smells good, and she's really nice." He said just as Sakura kicked a teacher that was holding her between the legs before twisting away to jump after Ino.

"Right, nice." I said while I was wincing in sympathy for the poor guy holding his nuts.

"You know kid; none of those traits takes away from the fact that both of those girls are bughouse nuts." I said as Ino threw the history book Sakura had been hitting her with earlier into her opponents face, stopping her charge and giving Ino the chance to land a one two combination to her midsection.

Naruto turned back to me. "So what? Having a girl with spirit just makes them more interesting."

I glanced back at Hinata who had an odd look on her face. "Listen kid," I said, pitching my voice so the Hyuuga heiress would hear too. "Never stick your dick in crazy. Those relationships never last and always end badly for both parties. You want a relationship that will last; you need to find a girl that isn't totally insane."

I could tell by the blush on Hinata's face that she had gotten my message. She was also staring at me, probably trying to figure out why Uchiha Sasuke would be giving relationship advice to her and her blonde crush.

Said blonde on the other hand, did not understand what I was trying to say at all. "What would you know about it?" He challenged. "Just because all the girls in the class want to go out with you, you think you are cool! Just you wait and see, I will get Sakura to go out on a date with me!"

It was like I could almost hear Hinata's heart breaking. "It is something I heard someone say sometime. It is good advice, you can take it or not, I am just trying to help you out." As I said this I looked back at Hinata and mouthed the words "Don't worry, he will come around." Hinata's blush deepened and she started to look like she was going to pass out.

Naruto just snorted and turned back to the front of the class. The fight was winding down as the teachers, mainly through sheer numbers, had separated the two unruly combatants and were duct taping them to chairs at the opposite end of the class room. I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when Iruka put tape over their mouths.

The academy progressed normally for the rest of the day. I had fun in history class, learning information about the various Kages and great Konoha Ninja from before that the Anime and Manga hadn't really touched on. Geography was similarly interesting. Math was about as boring as the last time I went through it. I also got to practice the kawarimi technique some more and even got taken aside by Mizuki for some private pointers in how to more efficiently accomplish the technique. Naruto on the other hand was working off to the side alone without any help. Surprisingly he seemed to be progressing without any help. This was a good thing, because it didn't look like anyone was interested in helping the poor kid. Hinata just kind of watched this sadly. Ino and Sakura were still taped to their chairs, but we had dutifully carried them outside, after being told to by Iruka-sensei, when we started our ninjutsu practice so they could get the benefit of watching.

At lunch Naruto disappeared while I hid myself since they had released the two idiot girls to eat under the stern injunction that they would go right back in the chairs if they misbehaved again that day.

After lunch was taijutsu and weapons practice. It was announced that we would do some sparring the next day.

Once the final bell rang all of the kids scattered to the four winds except for Ino and Sakura who began arguing over who should walk me home.

As I was tip toeing away from what I was certain was going to turn into another catfight I ran into a determined looking Hinata. Well determined in a scared to death, incredibly self conscious way. Honestly what did the Hyuuga do to her?

"Wh-wh-what was that all a-a-a-bout, this m-m-morning with N-n-na-Naruto-k-kun?" She stammered.

"Walk with me." I said as I continued making myself scarce from the upcoming warzone that the two idiots were about to create. She fell in step while pushing her two index fingers together and staring at the ground.

"Look kid," I said as I heard the sound of fists impacting flesh behind us, "You and Naruto both have problems." She started and looked up at me. "You are so self conscious and shy, that I am afraid you are going to die of blood loss from all the blushing." She dropped her head back to the ground and her shoulder slumped. "Naruto on the other hand is so brash and in your face that most people hate being in the same room with him. Add to that all the adults hate him for some unfathomable reason and you get a kid with major issues." Hinata straightened her back and looked up with some real fire in her eyes ready to defend the absent prankster, but I cut her off. "You know it's true. That kid needs some taming and you need to get a little wild. I figure if you hang out together you might rub off on each other." Hinata blushed at the way I phrased it, which was honestly a mistake, I hadn't meant to make it sound dirty. "That kid is all alone in this world." I continued, "He doesn't have anyone his own age to talk to and no real parental figure. You should try to make friends with him, I think he could really use a friend."

Hinata just looked depressed. "I-I c-c-could never d-do that." She said softly.

"Then you are one of the cruelest people I have ever met." I shot back at her.

She cringed. "Y-y-y-y-you d-don-don't un-understand." She said, "I am nothing a dis-disappointment to my clan. Wha-what w-w-would Nar-Naruto-k-kun want w-with something l-like me?" she sobbed.

Hitomi: "Good Lord this kid is messed up. What could do this to a child so young?"

Sasuke: "Did you notice she didn't stutter at all when she said she was nothing ?"

Hitomi: "You have to help her idiot, if you don't, I will never forgive you."

While the peanut gallery was adding to my mission parameters, with my full consent in this case, Hinata was continuing.

"Besides, he w-wants S-s-s-Sakura-san, not me. W-why would h-he ever t-t-t-t-take something like m-me when he could h-h-h-h-h-have some-someone like S-s-Sakura-San.

Just listening to her I was starting to get an ugly picture of Hinata's home life. A very ugly picture. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do about it now, but I made myself a promise to find a way to help the poor girl.

"Fuck" I muttered under my breath, getting another flinch out of Hinata. And yes I mentally kicked myself for that one. "Naruto is only eight years old. He has never had any parents and has lived on his own his whole life." I stated. "He doesn't even know why girls are different from boys let alone what the differences are for. Why don't you just try saying hello to him when he comes in the class room. He would like that more than anything, if someone would just acknowledge him as a human being."

Hinata looked at me for a minute. "Y-You are sure N-Naruto-kun wants a greeting from s-someone like m-me?" She asked.

"I'm certain of it." I replied. "In fact, I think he would be thrilled to have someone smile and say hello to him every morning." I continued with conviction.

Hinata drew herself up. "All-all r-right." She said. "I-I-I'll d-do it."

"Thanks, Hinata-san." I said as I started walking away. "You really are a good person to help him like that."

She blushed and turned around without another word. It seems we both had a lot to think about.

**Time: 1730 hrs Location: The streets of Konoha 4 years before the start of the Naruto series**

I had left the academy grounds as was heading towards the market district to find some food for my apartment. I was taking the back alleys with the real Sasuke providing directions. He knew the backstreets of his neighborhood pretty well. He said it was to help avoid the fan girls.

Since the alleyways were deserted it gave me a chance to have an uninterrupted conversation with the voices in my head.

Hitomi: "What is wrong with Hinata? I always thought she was just shy, but the way she was acting is just strange."

Sasuke: "The Hyuuga clan has always been a little weird. There were some rumors about them, my-my family would never tell me what they were. Only that they were bad and that I should stay away from them."

"You sure it wasn't just some sort of Sharingan vs. Byakugan thing?" I asked, as I stepped over a piece of garbage.

Sasuke: "That could have been it. All I can really tell you is my father told me to never go anywhere alone with any of the Hyuuga clan elders. He was actually really insistent about it. Do you know what he meant by that?"

I sighed internally. The kid may be the last scion of some great ninja clan, but he was still just a very young kid.

Hitomi, I was convinced, was just an idiot.

Hitomi: "I don't get it. Did they think the Hyuuga were going to try and steal his eyes?"

I crossed a main street and went into another alley. "Sasuke, I want you to leave the communications room." I ordered. "Hitomi, make sure he does it."

Hitomi: "What! Why?"

"He doesn't need to hear what we are about to discuss."

Sasuke: "What is it? Does it have anything to do with my clan?"

"No." I reassured him. "This is just some grownup stuff kid. You don't need to know this."

Sasuke: "Who do you think you are to tell me what I can and can't hear?"

"Just do it kid! Hitomi make sure he is gone then we will talk, if what I think is going on is actually happening it is bad, and we may have to figure out a way to let the Hokage know about it."

Hitomi: "What? That could blow the whole mission."

"I know." I replied as I jumped a fence. "It is a risk we may have to take."

I heard some shuffling and muffled voices, and then Hitomi came back.

Hitomi: He's gone, now what is so important, that you are thinking of ruining this mission? Is Hinata in trouble?

I paused a second. This sort of stuff is ugly and I hated even thinking about it. "I think she's been a victim of ongoing sexual abuse." I stated in a level cold voice.

I heard a gasp over the com link.

Hitomi: What? That's awful! Why do you think that?

"At first I just thought she was being physically and mentally abused," I said in a flat tone, "but some of what she said just now makes me think there is a sexual element to it as well. " She is 8 years old and when I suggested she get close to Naruto her first reaction was to think I was suggesting a sexual relationship. That is just not normal for a child."

"Her other responses were all messed up too. I don't know what happened to that kid, but I know it was really bad, and if I had to guess it is an ongoing problem." I said.

Hitomi: "You have to help her."

"Yeah, your right. I am going to help her, the problem is I don't know how to do it and still save Konoha, and keep from blowing my cover." I mused. "I want you and the real Sasuke start brain storming together and see if you can come up with a plan to help that girl while I keep working at keeping the Kyuubi from breaking out. If you can contact Michael and see if you can get some help or info from up above on this one, I have a feeling we may not be able to do anything about this without divine intervention."

Hitomi: "They won't like that, giving the Kyuubi any hints of what we are up to is dangerous."

Aww how cute she was learning about OPSEC.

"I know, I replied. You let me worry about the demon and keeping it from taking over The Yondaime's son, just ask them if they can give any assistance at all since there is no way I can let a child go through something like that without doing something."

Hitomi: "Right!"

After that I didn't hear anything more from my partners, but I easily found the market by the recognizable sounds and smells all street markets have once I was close enough.

I never noticed the shadowy figure watching me from the roof tops after overhearing my conversation with myself or the fact that I had already gotten all the divine help I was going to get on the matter.


End file.
